What does the road to success really look like?
I would like to share an experience that I had that made me realize a powerful cycle or behaviour pattern that I’m sure many people experience. I know that this cycle has played out in my life many times and I just sat in the car of the roller coaster and went along for the ride not thinking at all about what was happening.
A recently had an experience that made things very clear for me.
In my work as a healer/hypnotherapist have developed my own method for Emotional Intelligence over the period of time that I have been working in my practice. The process I developed allows me to step back from the emotions I am experiencing and really observe myself.
From the roller coaster perspective, it allows me to watch the roller coaster running without being in the car feeling the emotional rush of the highs and lows. Watching the emotional roller coaster when you’re not in the car allows you to see what the rise of the car looks like and creates. Then as the car takes that dip you can see what happens as it falls.
I had an experience I want to share with you to demonstrate what I am alluding to.
My Cariad (Love of my life) has been a magician for 26 years. When we got together in 2013 I supported his passions and pursuits. One of those passions was magic. I went to meetings for the VMC (Vancouver Brotherhood of Magic) and got to know everyone in the club. I in turn of course was inspired by the things I saw and decided that it would be fun to study Mentalism.
6 years later I made the choice to commit and join the club. If you want to join the club you have to perform magic in front of the club and then there is an initiation ceremony.
When I made the commitment to do the performance to get into the club I felt fine and confident that I could do it. The day came that I had to perform, and the nerves started flying. Suddenly I was feeling anxiety and emotion. I was freaking out and the emotions I was feeling climb up that incline on that roller coaster could have overwhelmed me.
The good thing about being in that car on that roller coaster is once it starts there is no stopping it or getting off till the ride is over.
I knew that performing was going to be good for my character and that it was a powerful expansion opportunity. So, the emotion I was feeling, the nervousness was not going to stop me from expanding.
When we feel those nerves, that emotion, it means we are on the verge of taking a huge leap of expansion. That expansion feels like climbing up a hill on a roller coaster. It’s nerve racking and exhilarating. I have learned to see that emotion as a good thing, so I embrace it.
Seeing as we are in the middle of a pandemic I did my show in my studio over Zoom. For some reason it didn’t make it any less nerve racking. My son was my assistant and helped me do my little performance. Emotions were so high and intense before and during the performance. My son was the perfect unconditionally loving cheerleader.
Once it was over I tore myself apart and started picking apart all the things I thought I did wrong. I wasn’t confident enough. I screwed up the tricks. I didn’t perform them well enough. I should have positioned myself differently.
Looking at the challenge before doing it was overwhelming and created a lot of emotions. Once the aspired goal has been achieved all of a sudden there is a need to undervalue the achievement.
We tell ourselves it wasn’t a big deal. Anyone could have done it. I didn’t really do that great of a job anyways.
I most definitely walked that path. As I was feeling like I hadn’t done well enough I was able to step back and observe myself.
99.9% of the time I am self-loving, confident, in my power, feeling strong and fierce. I am not one to beat myself up or be hard on myself. I like to practice being gentle on myself. This brought up thoughts and emotions I truly thought I was beyond.
I was mistaken!
I thought about how I was nervous and emotional leading up to the performance and I thought it was such a big deal.
When I was finished, it was no big deal, I didn’t do well enough and anyone could have done it.
Now that you are reading this do you possibly do this yourself?
First I know that the nerves are telling me that I am going to expand so I am on board with pushing through and expanding.
Next is the fall, the undervaluing the accomplishment, the tearing apart and picking apart of the accomplishment.
Where does that come from and how do we make it stop?
We have such a strong primal desire to fit in with the group, tribe, our society. That is instinctual for our survival.
Before we had farming, grocery stores, housing, electricity, security, the ability to easily meet our needs on our own we needed to fit in with our tribe, village, in order to survive. If we were left out of the group on our own we would have more than likely starved to death.
The desire to fit in with our tribe is just as strong as our desire to eat, drink, and make love. It’s instinct!
Trying to let go of our desire to fit in is not something that you or I need to let go of. It’s really about owning your power and actively choosing what tribes you want to opt into. There is nothing wrong with belonging to a tribe, family, village.
Letting go of the need to be perfect and to destroy your accomplishments comes down to past programming from your and my childhood. It’s about sourcing what experiences were had in our childhood that made us devalue ourselves.
Personally, it comes from my mother. I was never good enough for her. She ripped into me all the time. I was a screw up and nothing I did was good enough. She yelled at me for hours, rode me like a racehorse. Which as an adult followed me.
I have always worked so hard to earn every certificate I can get my hands on. I am so ambitious, and my ambitions are never satisfied. The reason for that is,
“Nothing I do is good enough”
According to my mother.
This is perfect the way it is. I chose my mother as I learned valuable lessons that helped me become who I am today.
If I want to be free of the negative behaviour. The need to rip myself apart. The insatiable need to improve from the thought that nothing I do is good enough. All I have to do is source the emotions coming up and get support to clear them and I can let go of the need to beat myself up. It’s that simple.
Should something similar show up in a different circumstance, it means there are more emotions that need to be cleared.
So, in conclusion when you are feeling excitement, overwhelm, nerves, push through it because you are about to expand.
When you feel the need to tear your accomplishments apart or devalue them. Step back and observe yourself and see if you can source what experiences in your childhood this is attached to.
If it’s a challenge to source where the need to be hard on yourself is coming from I am here for you. It takes practice to learn how to self-communicate and source. So be gentle on yourself.
We are all on the path seeking to create success, make a mark, make a difference on the planet, be better, leave a legacy.
Let’s love an encourage each other until this world is flooded with love and success!
Harmony Woodington C.Ht.